


Let Me Give You My Life

by seasidh



Series: After the Happy Ending [5]
Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, M/M, angst and schmoop, tagging is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 06:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5118116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasidh/pseuds/seasidh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snafu and the Sledge's go to see Eugene in the hospital and have to come to terms with their own feelings about what happened to Eugene.</p>
<p>Takes place directly after My Church Has No Absolutes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Give You My Life

**Author's Note:**

> As always, work is unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine and this is based off the characterizations depicted in the show, not on the real men. No disrespect intended.

A woman who appeared to be perhaps in her mid-thirties, brown hair pinned back neatly in a surprisingly perky ponytail, stood in the mouth of the alley anxiously. She looked around her on the street, no one was really paying any attention, people were just passing by her. She wasn’t sure why she felt so compelled to go down the alley, she should just turn around and go back, finish her shopping and go home. And yet. She couldn’t. She had heard some kind of disturbance, muffled voices raised in anger, and when she stepped into the alley to see what had happened, she heard footsteps crunching in the gravel as more than one person ran off. She craned her neck and tried to peer around the curve in the alley as it turned into the secluded parking area. She saw an arm, extended out, and the beginnings of the back of someone’s head, the hair wild and messy, poking out in every direction. She stared at the prone figure and clutched her hands nervously. This wasn’t her business, she should leave. No, I can’t just, I can’t just leave them there. She chastised herself. She took a deep breath and steeled herself, feeling only a little foolish for her reticence to go down the alley by herself. As she made her way towards the prone figure her sensible shoes kicked some pebbles and sent them scattering, echoing against the brick walls on either side of her. The figure didn’t move. She frowned and picked up her pace, noticing as she got nearer, that the person was male. Another two steps and then she saw the blood and felt her stomach drop out.

****

Snafu pulled into the Sledge’s driveway in the late afternoon. As he stepped out of the truck, tossing the keys in the air once and catching them, he didn’t realize he was tunelessly humming the remnants of a song he couldn’t remember. He scrubbed a hand against his neck, feeling sticky in the Alabama humidity. Despite the stickiness, he was still feeling good. If he had to be honest he was feeling downright fucking cheery when he walked into the Sledge’s front hallway. He toed his shoes off and was going to drop the keys on the hall table when Lily rounded the corner. His smile faltered when he saw her face.

“Mr. Shelton…” she was clutching her hands together, wringing them anxiously. “Oh Mr. Shelton, I don’t know what to say. I…the hospital called. Sir, Mr. Sledge, Eugene that is, he’s in the hospital.”

Snafu rushed across the distance between them and grabbed her shoulders. “What happened Lily?” He demanded, shaking her slightly.

She shook her head, distraught. “I don’t know, they wouldn’t tell me! They were looking for Dr. and Mrs. Sledge.”

Snafu growled, fucking doctors. “Alright, where is he?” As soon as she told him the hospital he was shoving his feet in his shoes and rushing out the door. “Tell the Sledge’s where we are as soon as they get back Lily!” He yelled over his shoulder, slamming the door behind him.

The drive to the hospital was some eternal nightmare. He kept going over and over in his mind scenarios that would leave Eugene in the hospital. Was it his heart? He had told Snafu he used to have a heart murmur. What the fuck was a heart murmur anyway? What did it do? Could it just come back? Could it put him in the hospital? He didn’t know. Maybe it was a car accident. He pictured Eugene’s body, twisted and broken amidst broken glass and the crumpled metal of a car, wrapped around a tree. Was it a person? Had someone attacked him? Shelton’s blood ran cold. Someone was bound to figure it out and be far less generous than Eugene’s family. _You knew this could happen._ His frantic mind spat at him. He remembered a night awash in orange, bright sparks of flame held up against the blackness and shook his head. This wasn’t helping him at all. Just get to Eugene he thought over and over. Just get to Eugene.

****

"Sir, I've already explained that I can't give you any information. That information is confidential and I can only share it with family. If you'll take a seat again, or come back later with family during visiting hours-"

"Dammit!” Snafu slammed his hand on the desk. “I already told you, his parents are unavailable, I'm a family friend visiting, I just want to know what happened." Snafu growled at the harried looking nurse standing before him.

She levelled a cold glare at him. "Sir, you need to calm down." She said tautly.

Snafu saw red. "Calm down? I need to calm down?! Lady I've been here two hours an' you assholes keep runnin' me around. I think I'm pretty fucking calm all things considered."

She drew her lips down in a grim line, never breaking eye contact with him." Sir-" She began, sounding tired.

"Yea, yea, I know. I can go sit over there."

Shelton flopped down in the chair and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. When he arrived at the hospital he was summarily dismissed, advised that they couldn't share any information with him until the Sledge's arrived. He felt utterly helpless. He didn't even know what room Eugene was in. He wasn't sure he would say this was worse than those dark days on Okinawa, but it was certainly close enough to be indistinguishable. At least on Okinawa he'd had Sledge, and the purpose of keeping Sledge from losing himself. Here he just had the disapproving glares of the nurses and the uncertainty of Eugene's condition. It was torture.

Some indefinable amount of time later he heard a commotion at the reception desk and opened his eyes to see what was happening. He saw Eugene's parents rushing down the hall towards him. He stood up as they neared him and Mary Frank reached out and clutched at his arm. "Where is he? What's happened? Is he alright?"

Shelton shook his head. "I have no idea. They won't tell me anything. I'm not family." He said bitterly.

Mary Frank snatched her hand back as if she’d been burned. "Oh. Of course." she said hollowly.

Dr. Sledge left them in silence while he went to speak to the nurses and find out what was going on. Shelton stuffed his hands in his pockets and watched Mrs. Sledge's face. She was staring off into nothing, wringing her hands together and worrying at her bottom lip. Neither of them spoke.

Edward Sr. came up behind them and wrapped his arm around Mrs. Sledge's shoulders. "He's this way, the doctors say we can see him now." He said, speaking to Shelton.

When they got to the door of Eugene's room Dr. Sledge paused. "They did say that he didn't... Well, it looks worse than it is. Just, be prepared."

Eugene's parents entered the room first, and when Shelton got to the door his eyes fell on Eugene's form, laying on the bed. His knees felt weak and his vision swam. He had to clutch the door frame to stay upright. He was breathing hard and he locked eyes with Eugene, who had turned his head to look at him as soon as he stepped into the doorway. Eugene's right eye was starting to swell and was highly discoloured. A large purple splotch covered the eye from the brow bone to the outer corner, dipping in under his lower eyelid. The inner corner of his eye was an ugly blue, and the whole thing was surrounded by a sickly looking yellow. _(are my eyes yellow/i’m dying sledge)_ bounced manically through Shelton’s mind. Just above the eye was a large gash that had been stitched closed, it stretched from Eugene’s hairline to just before his eyebrow. There were also stitches on the left side of his mouth, where his lip had obviously split. It was already discoloured. A large red, purple,and yellow bruise flushed out over his left cheekbone in a mockery of a healthy flush. His cheek was clearly abraded. Shelton knew what made those marks. They were left by a fist, specifically a fist with some kind of ring on it. He couldn't breathe.

Eugene's eyes were watering and his bottom lip had a slight tremble to it. He reached his hand out towards Shelton. "Mer..." he whispered.

Without even thinking Shelton was across the space and clutching Eugene's hand. He lightly traced the thumb of his free hand over Eugene's less wounded cheek. Eugene closed his eyes, pressed his face into the palm of his hand and took a shaky breath. Shelton felt something in his chest break - refusing to believe it was his heart - and he carded his fingers through Eugene's hair and leant down, pressing gentle kisses to his face.

Eugene let go of Shelton’s hand and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him down into an awkward hug. He pressed his face into Snafu's neck to stifle the sound of his crying. Shelton clung back just as fiercely and whispered soothing, empty words into Eugene's ear. Neither of them noticed Dr. Sledge walking to the door and closing it quietly.

After a few moments Shelton felt Eugene take a shuddering breath against his neck and then he pulled away. He held Snafu’s face in his hands for a few moments then took another breath and turned to his parents. He figured they’d have questions.

The Sledge’s were standing at the foot of the bed, Mary Frank was huddled under Edward Sr.’s arm, clutching at his side. Her voice was trembling when she asked: “Eugene, what happened?”

Eugene considered this a moment. He wasn’t sure what to tell them. He could tell them the truth but was afraid of how that would turn out. His parents were finally starting to accept Shelton and he was afraid that if he told them what had happened that his mother would shut down and blame Snafu. He was more afraid that Snafu would blame himself and do something stupid. “I went into town this afternoon and was jumped by some teenagers.”

Snafu was gripping the railings on the side of the bed, too busy trying to get his whirling thoughts under control, otherwise he may have pressed harder and asked _why_ they jumped him. Dr. Sledge was paying attention though.

“I don’t understand, was it a mugging?” He noticed the plastic bag with Eugene’s personal effects in it sitting on a chair by the bed. Most notably, he noticed Eugene’s watch, a fairly expensive Christmas gift he had given the boy years before. “They didn’t take your watch I see.” He turned back to Eugene, raising his eyebrows, waiting for a reply.

Eugene winced and glanced at the bag. “Yea. It wasn’t exactly a mugging. They weren’t looking for money.”

“Then what were they looking for son?” Edward Sr. pressed.

“I don’t know really.” Eugene shrugged. He supposed he didn’t have a choice anymore, he’d have to tell them. “Some boys recognized me. They’d heard I’d moved to Florida, more specifically, that’d I’d moved to Florida with Merriell, and they didn’t like that much. Didn’t think I should be welcome in Mobile anymore.” Since he’d committed to telling them, he decided to share the whole story. He recounted his experience in the alley, and Dr. Sledge noticed the detached and clinical way he described what happened, as if it had happened to someone else.

Eugene’s words washed over Shelton like ice water, piercing through to his heart and all of the most secret fears he kept there. He gripped the railing harder, knuckles turning white and tried to double up on himself. This was what he’d always feared. From the moment Eugene had shown up at his apartment and demanded that Snafu not run away from him in some sort of attempt at martyrdom, Snafu had been waiting for this moment. Maybe not consciously, but it had always been there. The knowledge that something like this was bound to happen. He had begun to think that maybe they’d escaped it. Eugene’s family had begun to accept him, they had a quiet life in Florida, god he’d been a fool.

Mary Frank’s words cut through his haze. “Who did it?” She demanded.

Snafu’s head shot up and he looked at Eugene’s mother. Her cheeks were wet with tears but her eyes were hard and filled with fire. She had stepped out from under the protective shield of Edward’s arms.

“Mother, it doesn’t matter who did it.” Eugene said, somewhat surprised at his mother's reaction.

“Yes it does. Who did it?" She demanded again. "We’re going to the police. This is unacceptable." She shook her head, her voice shaking with anger. "It’s none of their business who you live with and it certainly doesn’t give them the right to do this to you!” She was shouting now and Edward Sr. gently squeezed her shoulder. She shook him off. “Don’t you dare try to placate me Edward.” Her hands were shaking as she took an unsteady step forward.

Snafu was staring at the scene in shock. Who was this woman? She bore almost no resemblance to the woman he’d met five years ago.

Eugene shook his head firmly. “Mother, no. We are not going to the police. What do you think they’ll do?”

“What do you mean? They’ll arrest these hooligans for assaulting you!” She seemed genuinely perplexed by the question.

“Oh really? And when they bring them in for questioning, what will these boys say?” Eugene asked, his own fire slowly burning to the surface.

Her jaw snapped shut and she glared at him.

Snafu found his voice. “They’ll say they were just beating up some homosexual.” He stared at the ground, he couldn't bring himself to look at anyone when he said it.

Eugene nodded. “Exactly. And then what do you think will happen Mother?”

Mary Frank crossed her arms defiantly. “That’s no excuse. That doesn’t make them protected under the law.” She turned her gaze to the window, her jaw working tightly. “It doesn’t give them the right to do this.” She said quietly.

Eugene shrugged sadly. “Maybe not, but that doesn’t matter. More likely than not, they’ll get off with a warning, and Shelton and I will be the ones getting arrested.”

Mary Frank threw her hands in the air. “So you’re going to do nothing then?”

Eugene met her gaze directly. “Yes.”

She opened her mouth to respond, Snafu felt that she was probably going to unleash some righteous, motherly fury on him, but before she could there was a knock at the door.

Everyone in the room turned to stare at the door. They had all briefly forgotten they were not entirely alone.

Dr. Sledge cleared his throat. “Come in.” He answered. One of the doctors came in the room and smiled at them. He seemed to notice the tense atmosphere but was well trained enough to know better than to comment on it. Edward Sr. shook the man’s hand. “Stephen, it’s good to see you.”

“You too Edward, though I wish it were under better circumstances.” He gestured to the patient’s chart in his hand. “When I saw it was your son who was brought in today I wanted to be the one to treat him.”

Dr. Sledge nodded. “I appreciate that.”

The doctor - Stephen apparently - turned to address Eugene. “Well Eugene, it’s good to see you awake. You have a concussion so you’re going to be feeling groggy for a few days, probably nauseated too, and because of that we want to keep you overnight for observation. Head injuries can turn nasty real fast.”

“My father’s a doctor, can’t he just look after me?” Eugene asked.

Stephen shook his head. “Edward here is a great doctor, it’s true, but he doesn’t have the resources to handle that kind of emergency if something does happen. I’m sorry son.” Eugene nodded. “As for your other injuries, we stitched up those nasty cuts on your face, but you do have two fractured ribs, and some serious bruising on the others. There’s not much we can do about that other than bandage them up. You’re just going to have to wait for them to heal in their own time. Basically, you’re going to be feeling real stiff, and real sore for awhile, but that head injury is the only thing we’re really concerned about. I’m sure we’ll be able to release you tomorrow.” He paused and looked around the room. He hadn’t exactly heard what the family had been discussing before he came in, but he had heard raised voices. “Now, the police are here, they’d like to speak with you if that’s alright with you.” He said gently.

“Yes he’d like to speak to the police.” Mary Frank jumped in before Eugene could reply. “I’d like to speak to the police too.”

“Mother,” Eugene warned. “Don’t.”

“That’s not necessary Mrs. Sledge. They only want to speak to Eugene and to the woman who brought him in.” He turned back to Eugene. “If you’re not feeling up to it now, I can ask them to come back later.”

Eugene shook his head. “Now is fine, though I’d like to speak with my family a bit more before they come in if that’s okay.”

The doctor nodded. “Of course, I’ll tell them they can come by in a half hour. You shouldn’t overdo it with the visiting.” With that said he left the room, closing the door behind him.

After he had left Mrs. Sledge turned to Shelton. “What do you think about this Merriell?” She demanded, obviously looking for an ally.

Snafu thought a lot of things regarding this, mostly that he’d like to track those ignorant little shits down and beat the fear of Merriel ‘Snafu’ Shelton into them. He didn’t say this though. Eugene pried Shelton’s hand off the railing of the bed and twined their fingers together. Snafu sighed and scrubbed his free hand over his face, squeezing Eugene’s hand while he did this. “Gene’s right. Ain’t no point in saying nothing to the police. Probably jus’ end up doin’ more harm ‘n good.” He leaned down closer to Eugene’s face, looking him in the eye. “But that don’ mean you can’t tell me Gene. Please. Who was it?”

Eugene smiled weakly. “Telling you is an even worse idea than telling the police Snafu. Please, all of you, just leave it alone. I just want to go home, and get better, and move on from this. Please? For me?” He pleaded.

When their half hour was up and the police came in so they could question Eugene he had convinced them all to leave it alone and do nothing. He would tell the police he didn’t know who had attacked him, or why they had attacked him. They would let him do that, and help him heal, because they loved him and it was what he wanted. Neither Mary Frank nor Snafu were particularly happy with that plan.

****

The sun was setting low over the horizon when Snafu followed the Sledge’s into the driveway. He turned the car off but didn’t move, instead he sat in the driveway, hands curled around the steering wheel, staring at nothing. He started when the car door abruptly opened.

“Come on son, let’s go inside.” Dr. Sledge murmured, resting his hand on Shelton’s elbow and gently pulling him from the car.

Shelton walked to the house and trudged up the stairs in a daze. He didn’t know what to do in this house without Eugene there. He stared at the white columns and the brick facing in mild horror. He would have to spend the night here alone, without Eugene. The steady hand of Dr. Sledge on his elbow was not helping him, the weight of it felt all consuming. He had begun to let these people in, for Eugene, and now Eugene was hurt and broken in the hospital, in no small part because of him. Snafu was convinced of that. He wouldn’t go so far as to say he was directly responsible - no, that burden still lay on the shoulders of the kids who hurt him - but he also couldn’t say he didn't feel somewhat responsible. He and Eugene had had this argument so many times. He knew, and accepted, that he was what Eugene wanted. He was selfish enough to keep holding on even though part of him still believed he wasn’t worthy of Eugene because goddamn, he wanted Gene too. Still, he knew that, if not for him, Eugene would never have addressed that part of himself. He wouldn’t be happy though, he thought to himself. Snafu had to hold back a broken laugh. Eugene would be proud, even when he wasn’t here, apparently Snafu’s  subconscious was making his arguments for him.

“Shelton?” Dr. Sledge put his hand on Snafu’s shoulder and shook him gently.

Snafu blinked several times and looked around him. He was standing in the middle of the Sledge’s front hall. Apparently Dr. Sledge had been talking to him but he hadn’t heard a word he said.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” From the corner of his eye he saw Mrs. Sledge look at him with a worried look on her face, her mouth twisted in concern.

Dr. Sledge searched his face for a beat before responding. “I asked if you were hungry, there’s dinner left in the kitchen for us.”

Shelton frowned and stared at the man in front of him. Was he serious? How could he be asking about food right now? He wanted to snap at the man, dig his words in under the skin and make him bleed, deep down, where you couldn’t see. He opened his mouth, unsure of what he was going to say, when Mary Frank swooped in and grabbed him.

“Of course he’s hungry father. We’re all hungry, it’s been a long day.” With that said, she dragged Shelton bodily towards the kitchen, her mouth set in a grim line of determination. Without Eugene here to fuss over she’d have to settle for fussing over Shelton, Lord knew the man wouldn’t take care of himself.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur for Snafu. The Sledge’s hovered around him nervously, obviously concerned about his demeanor and not knowing what to do. They seemed to be taking turns watching over him. Mary Frank would slide out of his sight and he’d hear on the phone, talking low. Edward Sr. would herd him towards the parlour, settle him on the couch and then slide away again. Mary Frank would swoop in some time later and give him another cup of tea. The more they hemmed and hawed awkwardly, sliding in and out of his periphery, the more he felt this nervous, unfocused anger ratchet up a notch. Finally they left him alone to go to bed. Snafu stood in the door to the bedroom he shared with Eugene and stared at the empty bed. This helpless fury wasn’t a new sensation for him, he’d felt similarly many times during the war, but he was somewhat ashamed to admit that he had gotten used to not feeling it. He sighed and sat down on the bed, not bothering to get undressed or even lay down. He spent the next few hours smoking, and staring, and thinking. His thoughts were a jumble. He was disgusted with himself because despite everything, despite the fact that this was what put him in this position, all he wanted was to be closer to Eugene. He wanted to wake up and roll over and feel that warm, comforting weight of Eugene next to him. He wanted to run his fingers over the planes of Eugene’s face, tracing the line of his jaw, the swoop of his cheekbone, the delicate skin over his eyelids. He wanted to wake up in the early morning sunlight with his arms around his lover and find that this was all some bad dream that would fade with the rising sun. Except, that was why Eugene wasn’t here. Those boys knew about them. They knew what they were, and they hated them for it. Snafu made a keening noise and clutched his arms around his middle, leaning forward and resting his head on his knees. He felt ashamed. Not so much for himself, he’d never cared overly about what people thought of him. It didn’t make a difference to him if they hated him or loved him or didn’t think about him at all. Eugene though, he couldn’t stand the idea of someone - a stranger no less - hating him so much that his life would be in danger in what was supposed to be peacetime. That was his fault. Snafu was sure of it. Except. It wasn’t. He couldn’t get Eugene’s words out of his head. All of the times they had laid in bed together and Eugene had whispered heatedly in his ear _I love you, I need you, you saved me_. All the times they had sat together quietly in their apartment, Shelton reading the newspaper, Eugene reading some book for school, simple quiet contentment. The days they had spent in the fields surrounding the Sledge’s estate, lying in the grass, holding hands while Eugene pointed out the various species of bird dotting the skies above them. That first kiss in Florida. The way Eugene had looked at him like he was everything. The confidence with which he strode toward Snafu, resting his hands on his face and kissing him hard. Snafu was never amazed that he fell in love with Eugene. He had ignored it, and tried to fight it, and told himself it was wrong and selfish, but it never surprised him, not really. He was just always surprised that Eugene had fallen in love with him. _Who gave you the authority to make decisions for me?_ Rang through the years and beat against the self loathing Snafu was wallowing in.

“Fuck this shit.” He muttered, getting up from the bed. If he was going to sit around all night at war with himself, he was going to do it with some fucking coffee.

He tread through the house quietly, letting himself into the kitchen and putting the pot on the stove to make some coffee. He lit another cigarette and stared out the window while he waited for the coffee to be ready. He knew the Sledge’s didn’t like when he smoked in the kitchen. They didn’t really like it when he smoked in his room or the guest room, but they’d really prefer he not smoke in the kitchen. He figured they’d have to cut him some slack this night.

When his coffee was done he made a concession and took it out to the back porch, figuring maybe he could cut them some slack too and smoke outside. He had just settled on the porch swing when the screen door opened softly beside him.

“I thought that was you.” Mary Frank said quietly, observing him from her spot by the door.

Shelton looked up at her with dead eyes and then turned back to the night. Opting to fish his cigarettes from his pocket rather than answering her.

Mary Frank shuffled around him and settled down next to him on the swing. “I can’t sleep either.” Shelton said nothing, he brought his smoke to his lips and slowly drew the smoke into his mouth, holding it for a moment before drawing it into his lungs, then let it curl lazily from between his lips.

Neither of them spoke for several moments, letting the silence draw out between them.

While Shelton smoked, Mary Frank surreptitiously studied his profile. She remember a moment with Edward Sr not that long ago. Shortly after she had informed him that Eugene and Merriell would be joining them for the fourth of July he had made a comment that stuck with her. They were sitting in the parlour after dinner, having their evening tea and reading. Edward was flipping through an old medical text and Mary Frank was reading a novel lent to her by a friend at the church. Suddenly Edward had put his text down and looked at her thoughtfully. _'Do you think Shelton is a handsome man? Merriell I mean.'_ He corrected himself. Mary Frank hadn't known how to respond. She understood that what he was really asking was _'does Eugene actually find him attractive?'_ and she couldn't say. Sitting here now, in the faint yellow glow cast by the porch light she studied his face. He had a strong jaw, peppered with a day's stubble, his overbite was a little too prominent, he had deep bags under his eyes - were they grey or blue or silver or green?- and his nose had a distinct downward slope. He had a small frame, slender shoulders and slender hips, you could even say he was skinny, too skinny. His hands were rough and calloused, his fingers blunt and strong. She couldn't decide if he was handsome, and she certainly couldn't speak to whether Eugene found him handsome. Did Eugene love the sharp cut of that jaw? Was he drawn to those strange eyes? Did he see a light there she couldn't place? Would he run the pads of his fingers over those calloused hands and love them? She turned back to the night, the smoke from Shelton's cigarette drifting over the view. Finally she spoke: “I hated you for a long time.” She said, not turning to look at him.

Snafu raised his eyebrows and turned to her, surprised to hear her finally admit this. She cut her eyes to the side and nodded.

“I know, it’s probably not surprising to you. I doubt I hid it very well.” The corners of her lips quirked up in the start of a sardonic smile. “I’ve been thinking lately that maybe, well,” she sighed. “Maybe it wasn’t really you I hated. I think I just hated what you represented.” She turned to look him in the face and he met her steady gaze. “Today made me realize that that was true. It’s not you. It’s,” she paused and turned away from him, searching for the right words. “This.” She finished lamely.

Shelton coughed awkwardly next to her. “I know, you’re not happy with...our relationship.” Just saying those words aloud felt wrong. Made him feel vulnerable and exposed, made his heart pound in his chest, the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, and his fingers itch for a weapon, anything to protect himself.

She shook her head. “No, you misunderstand. I meant _this_ ,” she waved aimlessly into the dark. “I didn’t want this for him. After everything he’d been through, I wanted peace.” She held her hand up, expecting an argument from Shelton - one he wouldn’t give her. “I know. I’ve come to realize that you are that for him - a home of sorts -, that’s not what I’m concerned about. I’m concerned - and I think rightfully so - about the world around him. That’s what I hated Merriell. Not you, but that the fact that he chose you meant that he couldn’t fully have that peace I wanted for him.” She furrowed her brow and picked at some peeling paint on the armrest of the swing. “Of course, he wouldn’t have had that anyway, that's what I really wanted to say. It’s not you. Even if it wasn’t for you, he wouldn’t have peace would he?” She asked.

“I’m not sure what you mean ma’am.” Snafu replied, voice hushed.

“Yes you do.” She said firmly. “What was he going to do Merriell? Marry some woman he’d never really love? Well, maybe he’d love her, maybe he’d get lucky and they’d be very close, but it wouldn’t be the same would it?”

Shelton got the sense she was genuinely asking him. “I don’t know. Probably not.”

She nodded. “I don’t think it would be. I think he’d always have that restlessness. That feeling of something missing. I think that, whether he realized it or not, he decided to forgo a safe life, for a fuller life.” She turned to look at him again. “I think maybe I’m happy he decided to do that.”

Shelton didn’t know how to respond. He had spent the last few hours talking himself around in circles, hating himself. He’d have expected Mary Frank to have come to the decision that he was firmly to blame for all of this without any of the internal conflict he was struggling with.

Mary Frank held his gaze for another moment, perhaps waiting for a reply. When it was clear none was coming, she patted his arm reassuringly and stood up. “Try to get some sleep Merriell. It’s not always easy being part of a family, and it’s not always easy being in love, but it is worth it.” With that she left him on the porch.

Snafu wondered if she was right, or if that was just something to say in the middle of the night to keep the bad dreams at bay.

****

Snafu awoke early the next morning after a few hours of fitful sleep. He knew it would be a few hours more before they could actually go to the hospital and see about bringing Eugene home and he didn't really know what to do with himself in the time being. He was sure the household staff would be laying out breakfast in an hour or so but he wasn't very keen on the idea of sitting through a breakfast with the Sledge's. Not when all he really wanted to do was jump in the car and pick up Eugene and get the fuck out of this town. That's what he had decided, as soon as Eugene was ready, they were leaving this place. Shelton did not want another run in with the local townspeople. He wasn’t usually one for running, but he’d made exceptions in the past. Usually for Eugene, and usually in ways that had hurt Eugene. This time he would run to save Eugene. They couldn’t fight everyone.

He decided to have a shower and let the hot water wash away some of his anxiety. He turned the water as hot as he could stand it and then just stood under the stream, letting it turn his skin pink and raw. He made a perfunctory attempt at getting clean, letting his body take over and work on it's own.

He walked back to the bedroom, a towel wrapped loosely around his waist and his wet hair dripping cooling streams of water down his neck and back. When he got to the bedroom he was surprised to see a tray with some coffee, biscuits, and fruit on it. It appeared that either one of the household staff or one of the Sledge's knew he wasn't in the mood to see anyone right now. He felt grateful for that. He hated that he felt grateful for that.

He shoved a biscuit in his mouth and chewed on it while he fished some rumpled clothes from the bag he'd brought. He toweled himself off and stepped into his jeans. Normally he'd try to look more presentable for visits at the Sledge home, wearing trousers and a button up shirt tucked somewhat neatly into his pants. He eyed his jeans, these were presentable enough. They were clean and there were no holes in them and he doubted anyone actually cared what he looked like today. With that thought he pulled a t-shirt over his head and considered himself put together enough. He grabbed the hot coffee off the tray and scooped up an apple. He grabbed his cigarettes from where he'd left them on the nightstand and stuffed them in his jeans and then checked his watch. It was 7:00am. He still had at least an hour to kill. With a sigh he left the room, tossing the apple in the air and catching it absentmindedly.

On his way through the front parlour he noticed a newspaper and picked it up. He went outside and settled himself on the front porch, taking a bite out of the apple and opening the newspaper. He leafed aimlessly through the paper, alternating between taking bites of the apple, sipping his coffee and smoking a cigarette. Mostly he was just willing himself not to think and look at his watch. When the newspaper stopped keeping his attention he put it down and let his gaze drift over the Sledge’s property. He tried to imagine Eugene growing up here. Playing in the yard with Deacon, riding his bike out over the fields and into the woods, being generally carefree. He imagined that easy smile on a younger face, imagined the setting sun turning his red hair into a halo of fire, and he smiled. His own younger self and that boy probably never would have got on, he thought to himself. Though, maybe they would have. There was no reason for him and Eugene to get on, and they had. Despite all his original efforts to keep Sledge at arm's length, Eugene's quiet persistence had won out.

_Lilliputia? A thoughtful shrug. "Hard for the Japs to say." A quiet smile, that endearing quirk of the lips, a self deprecating laugh. "Hard for me to say." A complete lack of ego that had him handing over his opened rations with barely a thought. Hands roughly patting him down. “You’re okay, get up” barked at him. A firm grip on his arm, pulling him to his feet. “Guess I won’t show it to them then.” said with a cheeky grin. An offered cigarette. “Thanks Sledgehamma.” Shared camaraderie._

Even after that, after he'd left Eugene sleeping on a train back to Mobile, he'd tried to keep Eugene at arm's length. He’d wanted to put the war behind him even if that meant pushing Eugene out of his life. Even then he couldn’t stick to it, he’d sought Eugene out but once again tried to keep him at arm’s length. Even after he'd crossed that line, crowded himself into Eugene's space, he'd tried to keep Eugene out of his own. Once again, Eugene's quiet persistence had won out. He’d pushed through all of Snafu's layers and wormed his way into his heart and his soul and most days, Snafu didn't regret that at all.

Now though, sitting on this porch, just waiting to retrieve him from the hospital, he couldn't decide if he regretted it. He considered his changing relationship with the Sledge's. There was a time that Snafu had guarded himself with anger and hatred. It had been easier to hate the Sledge's, made the waiting for the inevitable fallout more tolerable. Now it seemed that the good doctor and Mrs. Sledge weren't as unlike Eugene as Snafu had thought. The doctor had always side-stepped Shelton's anger and dislike and seen through to the heart of it, and now so did Mary Frank. So much so that Shelton couldn't even bring himself to put up those walls anymore. What was even the point anymore? If it hadn't been out before, yesterday had brought it all crashing to the surface. There was nothing to hide anymore. That thought didn't terrify Shelton as much as he would have expected.

"Shelton?" Dr. Sledge poked his head out the door. "We're going to be leaving soon."

Snafu stood up, flicking his cigarette butt into the dirt and picked up his mug and the abandoned newspaper. Edward held the door open for him and Shelton followed him into the house. "Have you spoken to the hospital then?" He asked.

Dr. Sledge shook his head. "No, but I'm sure everything will be fine. We may have to wait a bit, they may want to run some more tests, but I figured you'd rather wait there than here."

Shelton nodded, grateful to these people once again for their consideration. Marvelling again at how much had changed between himself and these people.

A little while later Snafu was getting into the back of the Sledge's car, leaving for the hospital. The further they got from the house - and the closer to Eugene - the better Snafu felt. Letting Eugene and these people into his life, and his heart, may have opened him up to more pain than was comfortable, but maybe Mary Frank was right. Maybe it was worth it.

 


End file.
